In His Home Pt. 08

"Have new job." He says pulling a shirt over his head in the stark of midnight.

No moonlight or other luminescence to see what he was doing, but still he found his way. "Will be gone for long."

He said it as though I'd be here when he got back.

Once clean jeans and his coat were hugged tightly around his too thick body, fingers drug softly against my skin. "Love you." He grunted out in his way of being soft, loving.

It made me sick.

Being pulled around all day, forcing myself to eat at night, before crawling into bed exhausted with creaking bones only to have my legs spread and rutted against in any way he pleased.

Now, apparently, Mike had needed him after all, barely a month passed before he sends a vague message, written in symbols, no doubt because Jamie couldn't read, and now he's off assassinating political figures or particularly evil gangbangers that got a light sentence they didn't deserve.

And he says he loves me.

I was angry, absolute, but only nodded. He has grown accustomed to not hearing any devotional pretenses back, this was the only thing I had never been punished for.

I suspected it had something to do with it coming freely, he would rot before I ever came around.

"What exactly are you going to do, and where?" I seethed instead, pulling away from him in the only way I could.

His expression was cold, already a ruthless killer when he hadn't even left his home yet. I hadn't seen him this way since I met him. Even when he used to come home sour and raging, he had never looked like this.

It reminded me, so vividly, of when I laid in the field just across the street from here. He had stood just at my knees, face tilted to the moon, murmuring about something I couldn't recall at the moment.

But his face. It was terribly dark and devoid of even cold iciness. There was nothing but blank features and a set jaw, and it was somehow worse than any expression could've conveyed.

He was terrible. Like a god of death perched in the mortal world for only a second, just to kill and slink back into the earth I had been pressed so ferociously into, begging any force, bargaining all I had to any devil, that the world would just swallow me.

Apparently I was not specific in that request, for I was swallowed up and taken from the world, but by the one who I had cried so eagerly against in the first place.

The irony made me bitter.

"Don't." He spoke softly, not in reprimand but with sympathy. Perhaps it was pity, I was not sure. "Be happy...please."

My lashes fluttered with unchecked rage, "I am not happy with you just leaving, going off to do the one thing that reminds me of why I hate you so much." I snapped out and his hands slithered away, dropping between his crouched legs next to the bed.

"The second I try to close my eyes and lull myself into this foul and false world, you do something that only brings me misery. I do not love you, I will never love you, so do not sit here and tell me to ignore the path you are waltzing down to protect my sense of mind. You have ripped from my hands my truth, my innocence and my kindness."

His tears were hot, thin trails, running off his jaw. He did not say anything and I wouldn't let him either, he will hear this and this time he will listen.

"You are every bit the beast they call you, every breath you take is a reminder that my brother never will, that his child will never understand why his father is gone! Why he will grow up alone and unwanted! He is too old to be fostered or adopted, you of all people would know that." I spit, he flinched but nodded slowly.

"And it is all your fault, you meager bastard. You selfish-" I sobbed curling my hands into fists and laying into him, punching all I could reach. "You stupid, selfish bastard, it is all your fault."

Long, slender hands curled around mine, holding them while I fell apart until they stopped yanking. He pressed our foreheads together, cupping my cheeks to hold me.

I didn't want it, I didn't want to want his comfort. "I hate you."

"I know." He replied, sniffing. His lips pressed to where his forehead had been, and then he was gone, disappearing into the blackness like a shadow.

He belonged in the dark. I thought unkindly. That was where he should be.