PainLove - Bk. 02 - Ch. 10-15

Chapter 10

Most mornings in the park, a pretty woman would detour from her run over to say hello and pet his dogs. She was of a slender build, she struck Rob a quite fit. Her hair, at the dark end of blond, was in a high pony tail as she exercised, but looked shoulder length. She always had a smile on her face. Rob thought her very attractive. He guessed she was younger than himself, by a little. She was always nice to his dogs; they took an instant liking to her despite their reticence toward most people. Rob and she usually made some small talk for a bit before going back to what they were doing. Rob seemed to bump into her almost every day, they seemed to have longer conversations. There was something familiar about her, Rob learned her first name, Kate, but didn't ask for any more information.

On a Thursday morning in August, about three months after he had left Helena and Marion, his doorbell rang. He went to see who it was and saw a van from a well-known media shop in front of his house. Two men were unloading a large carton from the van. The man at his door asked him to to sign for the delivery. Rob had ordered nothing and was expecting nothing. He argued with the man from the shop for a few minutes. Then a man dressed in a dark suit approached him and asked the man from the shop to wait for a few minutes.

The man in the suit explained. "Rob, you don't know me, but you probably know we have you under surveillance, I or one of my colleagues. I imagine you understand, you've taken a good look at me a few times, sitting in the car. I realize this must seem pretty weird to you, but could you accept this telly and all that comes with it? Would you please sign and let them do their job? If you don't want it, you can give it to me; my children will be very pleased." He grinned. "I'm joking. Please, though, cooperate. There's also a new DVD player. You're being given this kit because I have a DVD to give to you in person and ask if you would please view it. When you're done with it, you can phone me and give me your answer. The DVD is a recorded message from Helena; she wants to apologize and tell you something important. That is what this is all about."

Rob shrugged. "I can watch a DVD using my computer." He had the impulse to give Helena something to worry about. "Since I'm about to move to Sweden I don't want any more stuff." The man's comment had gave him an idea, he went to the delivery van. He gave Helena's address to the driver, telling him to knock on the back door and tell whoever answered he'd been told to bring the cartons to the basement for storage.

When the delivery van was gone, he turned back to the security operative, who asked, "Sweden? What takes you to Sweden?"

Rob had just improvised a quick response, but the interest suited him. "I found a good position there," he replied casually. "I've decided to live outside of the U.K. for a while. Now, what about this DVD?"

The security man brought out a thin case from his coat pocket. Opening the case, Rob saw a DVD with no label on it, likely created on a computer. He lifted the DVD from the case. With a casual flip of his wrist he sailed the DVD out into the street, where it landed, bounced and rolled for a distance before stopping. "We're done here, I would say." Rob paused before he closed the door. "Oh, hey, wait. I want your supervisor to call me."

"Certainly sir, may I have your number?"

Rob chuckled. "I can't help but think your supervisor knows how to call me." He closed his door.

Within minutes his mobile rang, he answered. "Mr. Graham, this is Michael Haft, I supervise your security service. What can I do for you?"

"I want no security service. You are dismissed."

"I'm sorry, sir, it isn't your decision."

"Okay, Michael, know this. One day I will be so unhappy at seeing your car again that some of its glass will be broken."

"Sir, the best I can offer you is to be more discrete. Please do not violate the law. Do keep in mind the people in the car are quite capable of defending themselves."

"Michael, you tell Helena I resent being monitored. I no longer have anything to do with her and if she doesn't cancel you watching over me, it will soon turn unpleasant."

"Sorry, sir, who is Helena?"

"Well, I must admit you're good at your job." Rob ended the call. He paused to add Michael's phone number to the contacts in his phone.

The next day a middle-aged woman, who looked nothing like a security operative, handed him another copy of the DVD as he walked the dogs in the morning. Each day a copy of the DVD managed to reach him. It was left on his doorstep when he was out, it was dropped through the mail-slot on this door. On the fifth day of this persistence, he found it tied to his doorknob with a pretty ribbon. He shrugged, he had to give Helena credit for persistence and decided to watch the thing.

He put the DVD into his computer. The video started with Helena leaning against her desk in the library, arms folded. Marion stood beside her. Rob immediately noticed they didn't look so good, the dark areas under their eyes showed a lack of sleep. Their faces were solemn.

Helena looked to her left, beyond Marion, then turned to the camera and spoke. "Dear friend of mine, friend to both of us. First I want to apologize for what we did to you. We talked after you left and I realize our dreadful mistake. We couldn't reach you on your mobile, even after we dug out your old home phone number we couldn't reach you there. I knew just coming to your flat would be in vain.

"Your sudden departure was such a painful blow. You can see we look awful, we just aren't sleeping well at all. Each night I keep myself awake thinking about how I make you come back. I just feel miserable all the time without you.

"I know I was wrong, I understand your anger, but Rob, some of the things you said to us are nearly unforgivable. I need to see you again, I need to hold you again, but I also need to hear your apology. I propose we just say you spoke in the heat and anger of the moment."

She paused, looking down.

"I sent you a little surprise, trying to get your attention. I though it would show you I, we, are thinking about you. I understand it was a mistake, I should have known better. You must not hold the attempt against me, I was desperate to get in contact with you, I would have tried anything. You threw her out so quickly. Still she managed to leave my letter with you, giving me some hope. When it came back to me, unopened, I decided I had to contact you through more drastic measures.

"I remembered how it takes you time to get over things. Since it looks like you are not coming back anytime soon, it appears you still need time to work things out in your own mind, forgive us and decide how you will ask for our forgiveness. We've decided to follow your lead, a break will do us all good. In a few days we're going on holidays, Marion, Kim and I. We plan to be gone for about four weeks. Since I still intend to be your wife, I've decided if you don't want to live in my house, I will come to live in yours when we return. Marion and I have decided to live at your place; it will be much easier for us to make up and set things right."

Helena continued with a sad smile. "If you accept my idea I made some arrangements. Someone will call you soon for an appointment for a decorator to come to look at your flat. Since I'm moving in, I decided to give all your bedrooms a make-over. Please let me do this for us, Rob."

There was another pause with Helena looking down again. "Rob, there is one more thing, my sister has returned from Australia. She won't join us on our holiday; she has traveled quite enough recently, she just wants some quiet. She's not at all like me, but she has been hurt by a man and we have welcomed her as a member of our circle. You understand what I mean by this. You made a promise to me, Rob, a promise to every member of the circle, at the ceremony in my basement. I'm told you already see her almost daily, I suggested to her she introduce herself. If she chooses to make herself known to you, then you will fulfill your commitment to any member of the circle who has a need. She knows all about you, she told me she really wants to get in touch with you, get to know you better. She understands the promise you made to the circle. Like all your friends of the circle, you must be her friend. When she asks for it, you must be a lover for her. Please be gentle with her. She was abused, beaten, humiliated, you have no idea. The humiliation in the games we play is child's play compared to her experiences.

"Rob, we, every member of the circle, want you to know, we're waiting for you to return as you know you must." Helena smiled defiantly. "Prepare yourself, your flat as well, for an invasion of love as soon we come back from our holiday."

"Please think of me, think of Marion and Kim, we all love you very much. You can always reach me on my mobile, it has worldwide service. Be safe dear, I love you and we'll see you in four weeks. And hugs to your new children, I'm sure I'll like them, in fact, it took me all my self-control not to visit you right away and find out for myself." Marion and she blew him a kiss and the screen went black.

Rob was puzzled by the video. First, what did he have to apologize for? Of all the things he had thought about saying during that miserable night, he thought what he'd actually said in the morning quite tame. He wondered if she was upset he left instead of talking more. His decision to leave was because it was clear she was not going to understand if he simply talked about it.

Her plan to move into his flat was odd. At least it explained why her security was watching the neighborhood.

Then this sister and his "obligations"to the circle. He remembered the ceremony, he had been caught up in the moment, he'd made promises. Even so, he recalled Helena saying "All these women present. "Apparently she had the privilege of amending his commitments on her own. But in his defense, this took place in the playroom, such as it was. He had interpreted the ceremony as a game. Had he thought his words would come back to him later as a more universal commitment, he'd have been far more guarded in his promises. This sister wasn't even a member of the circle at the time of the ceremony. What if Helena takes in a dozen more?

He had the impulse to talk to Helena, she didn't deserve to be in isolation any more. He picked up his mobile, took Helena's mobile number off the blocked list and, for the first time in weeks, he touched the button to call her on speed-dial.

Within seconds he heard her voice: "Oh thank you for calling me! I am so glad to hear your voice again, dear. But we're in the car on the way to the airport as we speak."

"I'm just calling to wish you all a very good holiday. Where are you going?"

"We're going to Miami, then a cruise in the Caribbean, then shopping in New York."

"Okay, well, have a lot of fun. I wish you good weather and smooth sailing. No doubt you'll be faced with romantic opportunities on the cruise ship. Be careful around all those pretty boys."

"When we come back, Rob, we shall start all over again. We have a lot to discuss, you, Marion and I."

"You and I have matters to discuss," he agreed with an important change in phrasing. He made a note to think through how he would present the changes necessary to bring him back into her life. He might start with his so-called promise to the circle and how she'd invoked it in the video. "One last question, what about your sister? You said she's different, in what way?"

"By different I mean normal. No S&M, no lingerie, a bit dull actually. Still, she needs a shoulder to cry on."

"Helena, I think I understand. I can give her a shoulder to cry on. But I promise nothing further." He thought it odd Helena was willing to leave her sister alone at a time she had such needs. "Well, bon voyage. After you've returned we can consider whether you move to my place. It may not suit you. Please give my best to Marion and Kim."

"Until soon, my dearest," Rob could hear her stifle a sob as she hung up.

Chapter 11

Rob got out of bed with a strange feeling. He expected to meet Helena's sister today. He imagined it was Kate, the runner, she'd been so quick to introduce herself in the park. Leave it to Helena to set up her sister as his stalker. Earlier than usual he was heading to the park, dogs on their leads, watching all the runners.

Kate was running the streets on her way to the park. She was puzzled. Helena said she'd told Rob about her, but Rob hadn't been making the connection. He should have had the news more than a week before, but had done nothing. Helena said something had upset him, was he so angry with Helena he'd give the cold shoulder to Helena's sister?

She ran reached the park and started around the perimeter, her usual route. She spotted the dogs first, walking with Rob. She changed her course only slightly to reach them. She greeted the dogs first, as usual, when Rob spoke first. "Good morning Kate. I understand you're a Berkeley. Do you want to have coffee at my place and talk?"

The smile Kate gave him was smaller than she'd expected. "I'd been hoping you would ask me much sooner."

"I found out only yesterday you're Helena's sister, that you would want to talk."

Only yesterday was odd, but she let it pass. "Yes, she said you probably wouldn't just pick me up, thought I admit, once I'd met you, I was hoping you would. She really knows you."

"In some ways yes, in others not at all. She's told you we've quarreled?"

"Yes, but she was vague about it."

"Then I have a lot to tell you. Please, let's go." He gestured in the direction to his house. "Why do you run here, by the way?"

"I wanted to see my sister's soul mate."

"She still speaks of me that way?" Rob was surprised. He'd assumed Helena would think less of him after everything collapsed.

"You have no idea, what hell you have put her through. I arrived from Australia a few days after you left, she was happy to give me a place to stay in her house. But all she and Marion did, all day, every day, was cry about how stupid they had been. They fought over who was more responsible for what happened. A lady named Cathy visited the second night I was home. I didn't join them, I made a point of staying away, but you know how voices carry out of the living room up the stair to the first floor. It seemed to me Cathy was furious, she spoke quite forcefully, lecturing them. She used the words consent and consensual at lot. Each time one of them would answer, 'yes, I know.' After Cathy left, they were feeling pretty small. They were crying when Cathy left, it seemed to me Cathy was crying too. Rob it was all about you. You must be very special."

"Humph! I'm not special, I'd say I'm quite common. They have some mistaken notions."

They reached his flat, Rob led the way inside. Kate began looking around as she walked in. "You have a cozy place here." She inspected his bookshelves. Several titles and subjects attracted her attention: fashion, history, the world wars, classic and contemporary novels as well as a small collection of science fiction and fantasy books. She took one out and asked after an instant of hesitation. "This is an odd book in your collection: SM101."

Rob shrugged, not making eye contact as he switched on BBC Radio 3, to put some classical music in the background. "I have a wide set of interests." He intended to make her no wiser, but the way he responded told Kate something about him, maybe something about his relationship with Helena as well. She asked him directly, she wanted to know. "Are you and Helena into S&M Rob? Are you a dominant over these women?"

Rob decided she'd just be confused if they hopped around in response to her questions. "I'm going to make coffee, unless you'd prefer tea. I'll tell you the story, then you can decide for yourself if I am into S&M."

"You said 'I', is it different with Helena than with you?"

Rob liked Kate, both for her direct style but also because she was sensitive, seeing nuances others missed. "It depends on your point of view. I don't want to jump out into the middle of the story, but I'll say this: I like a little S&M, kind of soft, just enough to get really randy. It seems Helena is interested in becoming a Mistress -- my mistress. It's not me dominating Helena, it's her dominating me. I'm happy to submit to her, just not as far nor as often as she's already tried. Marion is an experienced mistress and wants to train Helena. In short, that is the root of our quarrel."

"I see." Kate nodded, though he wasn't convinced she fully understood.

"It should be clearer if I start at the beginning, with how we met, then bring you to where we are now."

Rob waved Kate to a chair at his table in the kitchen. As he made coffee, he started at the very beginning, with Jenny, how he met Marion, then met Helena.

Kate looked at him in disbelief. "So you are a transvestite?"

"I wouldn't use that word. I refer to myself as a cross-dresser."

"What is the difference?"

"I feel good wearing lingerie, it's exciting. I also enjoy certain female clothing, evening dresses for example or to be dressed as a French Maid, anything but the ordinary. Look, I'm just a guy in lingerie and a dress. I may dress feminine from the neck down, but I rarely use makeup or a wig, I'm not trying to look like a woman, I'm just enjoying wearing the clothes. A real transvestite goes all in, from from top to toe. A transvestite wants to look like a women as much as possible, wants to pass as a woman in public. For example, a transvestite might go shopping wearing jeans and a jumper; I'd prefer a fancy frock and I certainly don't go out. They wear tights and I hate them; only fully fashioned stockings for me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, to be honest."

"You don't find lingerie exciting?"

"Yes, a little. I don't get stockings, they're a lot of bother."

Rob put two cups of coffee on the table. "Let me show you what I mean."

Rob went into his room and returned with a new pair of stockings. "Pantyhose and tights aren't at all the same experience as stockings, the fabric is all different so they'll stretch." He laid it out next to her. "Run your fingers over this." Kate stroked her fingertips over the fine texture of the stockings.

"I've never realized I might like to feel that for myself." She paused for a moment, absorbed in the sensuous feel of the stocking. Then she looked up. "You were speaking about transvestites."

"Yes. Let me tell what I don't do. I don't wear a wig, jewelry or make-up. My ears aren't pierced. These are all things transvestites might do. Sometimes your sister tells me to wear a wig and make-up, not very often. But the rest, yes, I do wear, lingerie, stocking, including shoes. I'll often sleep in a nightgown. Helena likes to sleep with me in matching nightgowns."

Quickly summarizing the dreadful weekend at Marion's Rob described separating from Jenny, Helena's persistence and arriving at their agreement they would become engaged. He left out the pegging when he described the ceremony of the circle. "I understand from Helena you're to be treated as a member of the circle."

"Yes, she said to mention it to you." Kate didn't intend to say more until she knew him better.

Rob spoke of the proposal for Marion, the experienced mistress, to train Helena, with himself as the submissive. He told her Helena and he had been planning the new playroom. He explained who Cathy was, described his anger management training, then finally touched on the episode which led him to leave Helena's house.

Kate was quiet when he was finished, studying the coffee in her cup.

"Do I shock you? Now you know your sister plans to marry a cross dresser, lives with another Mistress and plans on having more women to live with us in. I suppose we should call it a polyamorous marriage." He paused. "It occurs to me she should have told you some of this."