PainLove - Bk. 03 - Ch. 07-12

Chapter 7

When Rob, Cathy and Kim returned to Oxford, Helena was out walking Rob's dogs and Marion was busy making their dinner. When Helena returned to the flat, asked her into the kitchen to sit at the table.

"The owner of the bridal shop asked to attend the wedding. She'll take photographs, as she often does at marriages where it's one of her dresses. I told her it was your decision."

"She is welcome. How do I reach her?"

"She gave me her telephone number. I'd prefer you settle it, not me."

With Helena calling Lisa, Marion began speaking in her strict, mistress voice. "As soon as the dungeon is decorated, you must test it all out. I will supervise the testing." Rob couldn't tell if she was serious or joking and decided not to respond.

Marion looked at him as a wolf looks at its prey. Rob suddenly felt cold shivers over his back. He wasn't so sure he wanted to live in the same house with this woman, not when it had a playroom in the basement. It was easy to refuse her now, but soon she would be around him day and night, a dungeon under the same roof; it would become increasingly difficult.

Marion knew him better then he thought. A big smile on her face, she stepped over to kiss him. "I can read your mind, dear. I see you're afraid of me, but we must learn to trust each other. I shall be very good for you, in many ways.

Helena came in, Marion reached out to take her hand. "Helena and I will treat you well. We'll have a wonderful time with each other. With the S&M thing, you can say no to it, you can always say no. It must be consensual for all of us. Please, never, ever think we'd harm you. A little pain, naturally, but never harm. You know how we love you."

Rob knew he didn't want to interfere with Helena's friendship with Marion. This necessarily made both of them his life-partners. He knew he was also truly afraid of them, Marion more and also for her influence on Helena. He most feared them together, giving in to impulses. He pushed his chair back from the table, but he didn't rise. He looked at them with a somber face.

Then he knew what he should say. "Helena, I love you. I really do believe we are soulmates and I want you and I to be life partners." He paused. The next sentence would be difficult to say, even worse to hear. He forced himself to speak quietly, calmly. "But Helena, I am afraid of you. I cannot marry until this fear is resolved. Marion, I doubt I will ever stop fearing you, my early experience with you was quite terrible. You may have laughed it off, but I have not. My worst experience, Marion, was the uncontrolled anger on your face as you pulled out the whip at your first party. That experience has made a lasting impression. I am afraid of what I might do should you cross the line that badly again.

"Every time a scene has turned unpleasant, Marion, you have been there, often leading but at the least a very active participant. "

Marion began to respond, but Helena silenced her with a gesture. She was far more worried now than when he was angry. His calm showed just how serious he was. He was not acting on impulse, he was telling her his deepest feelings, something that would not change. Helena had just learned he was still in the process of deciding whether he would marry her. She didn't know how to respond; she, too, held her tongue.

Rob waited before speaking again. "You speak so confidently about trust, but you have done practically nothing to gain my trust. Quite the opposite, you have engaged quite a few times in things that take away my trust. So, both of you, right now my fear is winning out. If you intend to marry me, Helena, we must work on the fear. If you intend me to trust you, I must see you do something about it. So far, all I've seen is you just expecting me to begin trusting."

Helena spoke with more confidence than she was feeling. "Rob, be honest. You get horny as hell when you see us in our mistress outfits. The thought that we'll do a scene makes you tremble with anticipation. Maybe you take a little pain, but your dick proves you like it. I agree there is a time for everything but don't accuse us of being too demanding. Sometimes we're anticipating your needs, sometimes asking you to meet our needs. Because you are to be our husband, we will sometimes ask you to do something for no other reason than we wish it. As you've made plain, it won't be too often, only when we're really in the mood. I think this a small price to pay for your life with us. No worries, otherwise you can do what you want, you have your dogs and your other hobbies. Not to forget four attractive women who would do anything for a kiss." He saw the emotion in her eyes.

"Sometimes all we want is a hug and a kiss, just to make us feel loved, wanted. You're not so good at acting the loving husband, you require practice. It's new, yes; maybe it's a lot for you. But think about my feelings, Marion's. We're doing our best to give ourselves, all of us, a good life. You respond by being difficult. Maybe I didn't cover you up that night, maybe I didn't make coffee. Maybe you think I don't spend enough time with you. But I have a business for which I'm responsible. You now have little to keep you busy. You have time enough to overthink things. To be honest, I think you're quite good at seeing things that aren't even there."

Rob wanted to protest, bur Helena raised her hand to stop him.

"I've made mistakes, I admit it." She gestured to Marion. "We've made mistakes. But I have never intentionally hurt you. You have been hurt, true, sometimes by my actions. I hadn't foreseen the consequences. I will learn and Marion will learn, all of the ladies will learn. But you must learn as well. Not everything is as black and white as you think. We're all entitled to make some mistakes."

The timer rang and Marion stepped to the hob, lifting a lid. "Dinner is ready."

Helena took down a stack of plates to set out. Marion pulled Rob back to the hob and whispered urgently. "Just remember we love you. Helena gets carried away sometimes, but she's so afraid of losing you. Always keep this in mind!"

After Helena's speech Rob didn't feel like talking as they ate. They made small talk, Rob was relieved when they all finished their meal. When they were ready Rob asked if anybody wanted to drink something. For himself he wanted to make Irish coffee. Kim and Cathy excused themselves, saying they had a busy day tomorrow. They headed to their own houses.

Finally Rob, Helena and Marion were alone. the three of them sitting on the couch. Helena spoke to him softly. "I hope you understood what I said, Rob. You were quiet during dinner, I could see you were thinking."

Rob looked at her, she looked back, holding his eye without hesitation.

"I understand Helena. I also noticed what you didn't say. Perhaps you held back, you didn't want to hurt my feelings. You think I'm selfish, you might even think I'm acting in an immature way."

Helena tilted her head a bit. "You say these words yourself. Suddenly, you start thinking the whole world is against you. At those times you're the only person you can think about. Just believe this: Marion and I couldn't love you more. Don't ever forget it. The same goes for Kim and Cathy - they are both so much in love with you. I understand you saying it's too much sometimes, I totally understand. But for just one or two more weeks we're going to crowd in here, then we'll go to the estate. My house will provide all of us opportunities to withdraw to ourselves and do our own thing. But remember, we've chosen this collective life, however odd others might find it. Now we must live the life we've chosen, all the good things and all the bad taken as they come. It's hard for me too, you know it's hard for me having to share you. But I know where you are and why. I know you're here for me. I trust you and I know you love Marion and I."

Marion put a hand out to him. "Helena has made so many sacrifices for you, for all of us in the circle. You cannot imagine. She has such a big heart. She accepts us all. You must not think it's easy for her. I think you should be more supportive, less critical."

They sat in silence for a long time, Rob thinking. "Look, I appreciate what you're saying. I do realize it's difficult for you, for all the ladies, as well as for me. But I don't see why wanting things to not get out of hand can be called selfish."

Marion gave him a cruel smile. "Apology accepted. Still, you shall be punished for what happened today. When you return from walking the dogs this evening, you can expect to face two angry mistresses. Yes, Rob. You have been naughty. I shall exercise your arse tonight. If I were you, I'd drink more whiskey."

Rob rubbed his jaw. "Ehh, Marion and Helena, I'm not in the mood for S&M games, I'm sorry, but I'm tired."

Helena and Marion wanted to talk more with him about what they might buy for the playroom. They'd been looking through a catalog Bridget had provided. The builder's work at the estate was expected to be completed within another week. They wanted to plan their special details for the playroom. He didn't take much interest and soon withdrew from the discussion.

When Rob returned from walking the dogs in the cold, he heard Helena and Marion's footsteps in the attic. "What are you doing up there?"

"We're looking for something"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm going to bed."

He had his clothes off when he hear Marion calling to him. "Rob, can you help us please?"

With a sigh he put on a dressing gown climbed the steep stair to the attic. He had forgotten about their proposal to play.

The light was out and he saw a few candles burning. "Is the light out?" He turned to go back down to check the fuse box when a hand grabbed his arm and pulled him in. Helena and Marion, in mistress outfits, each took an arm, pulling him to the center, where the candles gave the most light. Helena held a whip, both had a cruel smile on their faces.

He warned them off. "I am not in the mood!"

"But we are!" Marion snapped a metal cuff to one wrist, then deftly spun him to quickly snap on the other cuff, trapping his hands behind his back. Helena fastened a collar around his neck, then a chain from the collar to the handcuffs behind his back.

They forced him to stand facing an old easy-chair. The chain up his back was shortened, his wrists pulled further up and more pressure from the collar on his throat. He heard the click of a lock.

"I'll get a cramp this way." He was feeling quite uncomfortable, his anger rising. He told them he wasn't in the mood, still he had let them catch him. It shouldn't be necessary to keep his guard up in his own home.

Helena loosened the chains, giving him a bit less pressure on his arms and neck. She gave a command. "Knees on the chair, face down, bum up!" A hand shoved him from behind, he stumbled into the position they wished.

Marion glanced at Helena, who gave her a reassuring look. They were acting angry, but this punishment was entirely for fun. Rob could learn this when they were done.

Marion handed Helena a cane, which she swished through the air a few times. Rob flinched every time he heard it, he knew what it meant, but didn't know which time the cane would land on him.

"Remember when you caned each of us, six apiece? We shall remind you it can happen to you."

Rob grumbled. "You deserved the punishment."

"You were just upset you didn't get laid!"

Rob's anger was getting hotter. "Black! Untie me!"

Marion's voice came back, cool and untroubled. "We didn't give you a safe-word."

"No, we didn't Rob. This is your punishment, you must take it."

"Helena, this is cruel, you had better remember what that means."

"No, it is a fair punishment, it isn't cruel."

Suddenly Rob knew what to do. He relaxed his body, he stopped trying to balance, he let his face fall to the back of the chair. He worked at clearing his mind, he focused on not responding to anything they said or did. They wouldn't let him say no, but he could decline to participate.

"Are you ready for your punishment?"

He did not respond.

When the cane hit him for the first time, he had worked so hard at not responding he felt it, but barely responded. A second strike on the other side followed. It seemed Helena and Marion were taking turns, one on each side. A third strike came, then the fourth in rapid succession. He didn't react much.

Marion hissed to Helena in frustration. "Harder, then!"

The fifth and sixth blows were not much harder. The seventh was a lot more painful, Rob flinched involuntarily but made no noise.

Rob hear the soft click of his dogs' claws on the flooring. They began growling, softly. The caning stopped.. He heard the ladies step close beside his chair.

"Rob!" Helena whispered. "Call them off."

Rob stayed quiet. They would deal with this situation without his help. It sounded like the dogs were coming closer.

Marion whispered urgently. "Rob! Protect us!"

"Hit me again, there are a few to go."

Marion raised her arm to give him the next blow, but Rob heard one of the dogs give a growl that even Rob had never heard before. Marion froze on the spot. Convinced the dog would attack if she hurt Rob, she carefully set aside the cane. "Okay, Rob, you win. After all our effort to prepare, it's to be no fun with you. We brought these costumes especially for the occasion, we worked hard to arrange our alternative dungeon."

Helena released his handcuffs, then took off the collar. "How did you call them?"

He ignored the women reaching out first to greet his dogs,. "I didn't call them, they just came up. They might have heard distress in my voice. I didn't teach them that. They are protective, not just me, everyone in the house. It was smart of you to stop, she really would have given you a bite. She might well have done the same to me had I been hitting you."

Rob could see Helena and Marion were both very angry, he didn't care. "Now, let's tot up failures to follow my written limits, shall we? Punishment for a past event brought up in a game. I did not consent, in fact my objections were clear. I tried my usual safeword, I even said it was cruel, you ignored me." He gave them a cool look. "How can I ever trust the two of you when you keep betraying my trust?"

"We didn't allow you a safeword, because you didn't deserve one." Marion was still stern, haughty, a mistress. "We would have each given you six blows. Then nurse your bum, then the three of us make love."

"Consensual - do you even know the bloody word?" He knelt, putting an arm around each dog. "I am so happy to have these two as my insurance."

"You've spoilt a game that would have been fine for all of us. You're going to be punished for it." Marion seemed unable to let go of what she'd lost.

Rob stood quickly, stepping close to Marion, nose to nose. "How is this limited to my actions? Do you really hold yourself blameless in this?"

Helena recognized his cool, overly calm voice, calling to mind the times he'd disappeared after she heard that tone. Their plan had gotten out of control. "Say no more, Marion. Rob is in a state, words are not enough to resolve it. Let's go to our bedroom." Together they left the attic.

Rob could feel he was on the brink of canceling it all: the marriage, this circle of women, everything. Again they had ignored his pleas, overlooked the limits he'd given to Helena, in writing. And after a long talk about just such errors.

He was awake earlier than usual in the morning. He took the dogs out for a walk. When he came back, expecting Helena and Marion to be still asleep or having breakfast, their bedroom door was open, the flat empty. They were gone.

He felt a moment of sorrow, quickly overrun by relief. He looked down the street and saw the inevitable car from the security organization. He walked. He didn't recognize the man but felt no need for an introduction. "Has Helena gone to her own home?"

"I believe so, sir."

"If she isn't here, you're not welcome. I have my own guards. Call Haft if you have questions."

The car was soon out of sight.

Chapter 8

The next two days passed quietly for Rob, but in a blur. He did his usual things, walked the dogs, bought food, worked on projects for his clients. He didn't hear from Helena or Marion, nor did he make any attempt to reach them. It was a relief they'd left, saving him having to leave before he was ready. Fed up with the whole situation, he thought about what he would do next. He wanted to avoid people trying to talk him into returning to a relationship with Helena - and three other women.

He decided he would not be in his flat when they came back. He remembered Coggeshall, the small town where he was raised. His parents had been gone for a long time, the house there was now his. Rose had started in the house as a young maid, staying long enough to care for his mother as she aged for well over twenty years. Rob, grateful, invited her to retire and live in the place as long as she wished. Rose might be happy to see him. He felt a bit guilty, he'd only sent letters and greeting cards cards now and then.

With the dogs in the car Thursday morning, he followed his usual route to the wood he often took the dogs to run. He noted a car following him as soon as he turned off his own street. It kept going when he turned into the car park at the wood.

He waited only a short time before turning back out, back west toward Oxford. Soon he was on the motorway going south toward his childhood home in Essex. It was a drive of a few hours, near enough to reach easily yet far enough for him to disappear for a bit. The only person who knew he still had some family there was Jenny, who had always sent Rose a Christmas card with a note about their year. Rob didn't think Helena would ask Jenny where he might be.

Rose welcomed him home with a long embrace. She was surprisingly comfortable welcoming the dogs into the house, but they were well-mannered. Rob and Rose spent the afternoon talking.

She shook her head in disbelief as she heard his story. She couldn't understand the S&M lifestyle. Rob didn't tell her everything, especially he left out some of S&M stuff, but as for the rest he had no secrets. Rose had known about his cross dressing from the beginning. In his adolescence, he sometimes wore lingerie to bed. Once or twice, late on his way to school or distracted, he'd forgotten to hide the lingerie in the small trunk under his bed. When he came home that afternoon, he found his bed made up and his lingerie, neatly folded, under the pillow. Nothing was said until a few years later, visiting Rose in her room. With no prompting, she told him he should put his lingerie in the laundry to be washed, to keep it clean. She'd also offered him a slip that was too small for her, long and white with a lot of lace. Red-faced, young Rob had stammered his thanks for the gift.

As the daylight waned, Rose remembered something. "I still have something of yours. You seem to have forgotten it, but I've kept it for you."

In Rob's old room, she pulled that same, small trunk out from under the bed. Rose took out the slip she had given him so long ago. He could see a pink petticoat, he remember his mother asking if he would like it. He'd accepted it from her, feeling both grateful and shamed that neither his mother nor Rose objected to his dressing.

"Good memories, so many good memories." Rose smiled.

Rob suddenly saw how special she was. In those days he might have been made out for a pervert. He was so grateful both his mother and Rose accepted him as he was.

He embraced her in a long hug, then gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Thank you for your wisdom and understanding, Rose."

She gave him a warm smile and slow wink. They went back to the kitchen, she poured more tea. She never mentioned the lingerie again. When he went to bed, the trunk was still pulled out from under the bed.