The April Fools Day Marathon

Andrew crashed through the metal door and into the lobby, knowing he needed to move fast if he was going to get away in time. He ran for the exterior door, the sirens louder once he shoved it open and stepped onto the sidewalk outside. They were loud, closer than he expected, and he couldn't tell where they were coming from so he turned and ran to his left. Still struggling to see from the pepper spray and the darkness, he had little idea where he was, his panic compounding his disorientation.

He ran across a parking lot, the sirens louder now, until he noticed blue and red lights flashing off the buildings on both sides of the street. He looked up and saw a police car headed toward him and stopped, looking around frantically for an escape route. He started to move to his left but just then a blinding light hit him right in the face as a loud voice yelled, "Drop the weapon!"

Andrew froze as another voice, this one female, yelled, "Drop it right now!" He saw blurry forms holding flashlights coming toward him, each with what looked like their other hand on their right hips as they kept yelling for him to drop his weapon. Andrew stood straight up, his arms spread wide, letting them know he wasn't a threat.

"Taser! Taser! Taser!" he heard, and just as he started to protest he felt something hit his chest. A sharp pain radiated throughout his body, worse than he'd ever felt, and his muscles locked up. Andrew's body stiffened as electricity pulsed through him. His entire body cramped, and it hurt like hell, even more so when he fell to the pavement. Instantly he felt people on top of him, their knees in his back as they grabbed his arms and yelled, "Stop resisting!"

They jerked his hands behind him, and he felt metal on his wrists as they handcuffed him before rolling him onto his back. The asphalt was rough against his body and his hands hurt from being wedged under him, but he didn't try to move, knowing it was pointless. One of the officers removed the taser prongs and they jerked him to his feet before walking him to an ambulance, where he was checked out and found to be "fit for confinement," which didn't sound good to him.

"I guess I don't need to search him," the male officer said, laughing as he looked down at Andrew, who was dressed only in his socks and shoes. "Come on, pervert, let's get you to jail."

"I'm not a pervert," Andrew said as they led him to the patrol car. "It's not what it looks like."

"You're under arrest for sexual misconduct," the female officer said. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand your rights?"

"Yes," Andrew said. "But it's not what it looks like. I was just..."

"Tell it to the judge," the female officer said as she put him in the back seat. The officers drove him to the county jail and uncuffed him before handing him off to the jail staff. They took his shoes and socks and had him shower right there in the sallyport, and then took him to the booking area, where he was given an orange jumpsuit, white socks, and orange sandals. Then a guard brought him to the medical office, where thankfully a nurse washed his eyes out. An intense feeling of relief washed over Andrew now that the pepper spray was gone and he could see again. He looked around at the bare cinder block walls bathed in fluorescent light, the silver metal tables with various medical equipment, and then the nurse seated in front of him. "I'm the jail nurse," she said. "I don't want to be alone with you any longer than I have to, so just cooperate and let's get this over with, okay?"

"It's not what you think," he said. "My fraternity brothers put me up to it, I swear."

"I'm just here to make sure you're okay so you can be booked," she said. "I don't need to know about your case." Andrew nodded and she touched his chest with her gloved hands, examining the spot where the Taser prongs entered. It felt nice, even under the circumstances, and Andrew noticed the nurse was cute, her scrubs hugging what he could tell was a decent body.

"I'm not a criminal," Andrew said.

"That's not for me to decide," the nurse said, a little smile on her face. "Just answer my questions, please." Andrew took a deep breath and tried to focus as she started asking him questions. "Do you have any medical conditions or take any medications prescribed by a doctor?" He shook his head no. "Are you under the influence of drugs or alcohol?"

"No," he said, prompting a skeptical look from the nurse. "It was just a fraternity prank."

"Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness?" He shook his head again. "Any STDs? HIV? Syphilis? Gonorrhea? Anything like that?" He shook his head no again. "When's the last time you had sexual intercourse?"

"Excuse me?" he said. "I don't see what that has to do with..."

"When's the last time you had sexual intercourse?" she interrupted, her tone firmer than before.

"I don't know, uh, like a month ago," he said. "But I don't know why..."

"Did you use a condom?" the nurse asked.

"Yes, I always--what does this have to do with anything?" Andrew asked.

"Standard procedure," the nurse said. "I'm ordering a mental status evaluation and a psychiatric consult. Right now, I need a blood sample because I can't imagine you're not on drugs, and we'll be done." Andrew couldn't help but notice again how cute she was in her scrubs, her ass drawing his attention as she leaned over to get the equipment from a drawer.

"You know, if you need another type of sample from me, I'd be happy to provide it," he said, looking her up and down after she'd turned back around.

"Are you kidding me?" the nurse said. "You're propositioning me? I'm at work, Mr. Keyser, and you're in jail, not at a frat party. So hold out your arm and let's get this over with."

"I'm sorry, I just thought--it's been a long night," he sighed. "I'll shut up." He held out his arm and she took the sample, after which a guard led him to a large cell, which thankfully only had three other men inside, this being a Tuesday morning in April in a college town. He tried to fall asleep on the worn mat they gave him, but the events of the night raced through his mind and kept him awake. Admittedly it had been pretty funny at the start, but things had spiraled out of control, and now here he was, lying on the floor of a jail holding cell.

At seven o'clock the lights came on and the guards brought trays of food inside, but it looked disgusting, and Andrew wasn't hungry anyway. Ninety minutes later they shackled him and the other inmates and walked them down a hallway, which Andrew realized was the bridge over the street between the jail and the courthouse. Moments later he was in a courtroom, sitting in the jury box as lawyers milled about, waiting for the judge. Andrew's heart sank when he recognized one of them, and then sank further when she saw him and walked over.

"Well, look who it is," she said, a huge smile on her face. "I'm surprised it took this long for you to end up in here."

"Hi, Stephanie," he said resignedly, frustrated he had nowhere to hide since he was still chained to the inmates on either side of him. She leaned forward, her forearms resting on the ledge in front of the jury box, her shirt just low-cut enough to give him a tantalizing glimpse of cleavage. He'd always found her attractive, her long blonde hair and long legs being right up his alley, but today she looked even better than he remembered.

"Can you get me out of here?" Andrew asked as he raised his eyes to meet hers, feeling unexpectedly awkward when he realized she'd noticed what he was looking at.

"That depends," she said. "How about we go talk in private. Guys, can you bring him to one of the meeting rooms?" Andrew saw one of the deputies nod, and he came over to uncuff him before walking him to the back of the courtroom and into a small, square room with just a table and four chairs inside. Andrew saw the deputy glance at Stephanie, who said, "Yeah, go ahead and cuff him, just in case he really is a pervert."

"I'm not," Andrew said as the deputy led him to a chair and cuffed him to a ring mounted into the table. "I'm not going to do anything."

"Well, it sounds like you had quite the night," Stephanie said as the deputy left. She leafed through a stack of papers in front of her. "Sexual misconduct, sexual misconduct again, sexual misconduct a third time, running from the police."

"I can explain," Andrew said. "Today's April Fool's Day, so each year the younger guys get to prank one of the seniors. Sort of a role reversal, payback for the hazing when they were pledges."

"I take it my brother was involved?" she asked.

"No, he and I are both seniors," he said. She arched her eyebrow at him and frowned, and he added, "It was the younger guys' idea. At least I think so. I don't know, this is all just a big misunderstanding."

"I don't know that the judge will see it that way," she said. "But I'll do my best to get you out of here. To be clear, I'm only your lawyer for today. I have a contract with the court to help move things along for initial appearances. Fill out this questionnaire and then I'll see you in there."

She stood up and Andrew couldn't help but notice how good she looked as she turned toward the door. Her navy-blue skirt fit her perfectly, he thought as he stared at her, turned on by how it hugged the curve of her hips and displayed her nice ass before ending just above her knee. He didn't notice she'd turned her head to look at him over her shoulder. "Andrew?" she said as he looked up. "When we're in there, try not to do anything that would make the judge think you're a sex offender, okay?"

"Right," he said, his face getting red. "Sorry, I just, I didn't mean to." She smiled at him and walked out, leaving him to his paperwork. When he'd finished the deputy brought him back to the jury box. Just then the judge came in and everyone stood up, like on TV, and started calling names. He only half paid attention to what was going on, his focus almost exclusively on Stephanie. The way she sparred with the prosecutor and fought to get her clients released on bail impressed him, as Andrew had no interest in going back across the street.

As the morning rolled on, an endless parade of defendants coming up to ask for bail or get a new court date, Andrew couldn't help but notice how smart and confident Stephanie was. She was totally at ease talking to the judge and arguing in front of a full courtroom, and really in command of her cases. And she was attractive, even more so than when he'd seen her at the football tailgate parties her dad threw before each home game every fall, parties Andrew dutifully attended for the free food and beer.

Relatively tall at about 5'8", she had a slender waist and a pretty face. He could see the outline of her ample breasts inside her suit jacket and white top, and her long legs looked incredible, even if he unfortunately couldn't see her thighs. He'd known Stephanie for a while, his buddy George's sister who suddenly started showing up in September now that she was back home from law school. She always wore jeans and a t-shirt, or a sweatshirt in later months, but now, seeing her at work, dressed so professionally, he couldn't help but get turned on.

"Andrew Keyser," the judge said, catching his attention. Thankfully the courtroom was nearly empty now, 90 minutes having passed. "Do you understand what you're charged with?" the judge asked as he was brought to the middle of the room to stand in front of her.

"I think so," Andrew said.

"We'll waive reading of the charges," Stephanie said. She leaned over and whispered into his ear, "You're charged with sexual misconduct in the first degree, okay? Three counts. You don't want that read out loud, do you?"

"No," Andrew whispered, the gravity of his situation hitting him now. "Can you get me out of here?"

"We'll see," she said quietly, her lips only inches from him as he felt her breath on his ear. With her heels on she was almost as tall as he was at six feet, and she pressed against him as she leaned in, his arm between her breasts. He couldn't help but start to get aroused, and he glanced down at her chest, catching another brief glimpse of cleavage. "You have to stop looking at me like that," she whispered.

"Sorry," he said, lifting his eyes to meet her striking blue eyes. "I just--I'll stop, I promise. Just please get me out of jail."

"Your Honor, my client understands the charges," Stephanie said after turning to face the judge. The judge started asking questions about him and he was impressed by how eloquent Stephanie was, how impressive she made him sound just from his questionnaire answers. Honor student, fraternity president, from a good family, never been in trouble before, and so on and so on.

"How does his behavior last night fit into all of that, Ms. Hanson?" the judge asked.

"Alleged behavior, Your Honor. It's my understanding this was a fraternity prank that got out of hand," Stephanie said.

"Which fraternity?" the judge asked.

"Lambda Chi Alpha," Andrew said.

"Well, then I think we can dispense with calling it alleged behavior," the judge said. "My husband would be so proud. The state's position on bail?"

"No bail," the prosecutor said. "At least until we can figure out what was really going on here."

"It was just a prank," Andrew said as he started to panic. "I can't stay in jail. I'm only 22, I'm about to graduate. I wasn't going to..." He felt Stephanie's hand on his forearm, but he continued, "Sure, I was naked and when I heard the sirens I started to..."

"Mr. Keyser, anything you say in here can be used against you by the prosecutor, okay?" the judge interrupted, just as his lawyer elbowed him in the ribs. "I'm sure your attorney told you to let her do the talking. I suggest you listen to her, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am," Andrew replied.

"Judge, these are misdemeanors," Stephanie said. "He's a college senior, no priors. It was an April Fool's prank, and since my brother is a member of the same fraternity, I can personally attest that my client most certainly acted immaturely and did something stupid. However, he's not dangerous, he'll show up in court, and he won't violate terms of his release."

"If my husband went to jail for every dumb thing he did when he was in that fraternity, he'd still be locked up," the judge said, cutting off the prosecutor as he started to protest. "Personal recognizance ordered, the defendant to be released today on a promise to appear on April 29 at 9:00 a.m. Mr. Keyser, don't do anything stupid, okay? And no public nudity."

"Yes, Your Honor," he replied, a wave of relief washing over him. He turned to Stephanie and added, "Thank you so much."

"It's not over," she said. "But you'll be released shortly and then you'll need to get an attorney. I just contract with the court for these initial appearances."

"Can I hire you?" he asked.

"You can hire my firm," she replied. "Assuming you can afford us. How about you stop by later today, after you get out? We're a half mile or so down Fifth Street." The deputy took him by the arm and brought him back to the jail, where he was led to a large room with a guard behind a cage.

He handed Andrew a bag containing his socks and shoes and said, "Change into your clothes, give the jail clothes to me, and then go through that door."

"But I just have shoes and socks," Andrew said hesitantly.

"Not my problem," the guard said.

"Do you have clothes I could wear?" Andrew asked.

"Sure, the men's section starts in aisle 9," the guard said. "We just got the new spring fashions this week." He chuckled, much more amused than Andrew was, and then added, "Change out. I have six more inmates to process and you're holding things up." Andrew sighed and got undressed, putting his shoes and socks back on and stepping through the door, where the guard handed him a sheet of paper and said, "Sign to confirm you received your clothes back."

Andrew signed and said, "But I'm just going to get arrested again. Do you at least have a towel or something?"

"Not my problem. Next time wear clothes," the guard said. "The door to 5th street is right behind you." Andrew turned and gingerly opened the door, the bright sunlight making it hard to see at first. His heart sank as he saw several people on the sidewalk, which for some reason surprised him. He'd only been down here at night, to go to the bars, and the thought of people going to work for some reason had never occurred to him.

Reluctantly he stepped forward and let the door clang shut behind him. A few people looked at him with alarm and hurried along. Man, I'm going to be right back in there, he thought as he turned to walk west, desperate to escape. "Hey pervert, get off the sidewalk," he heard a woman yell. He looked to his left and saw a car stopped at the curb, the front window down. "Get in before I call the cops."

He leaned forward and looked through the passenger window, relieved to see Stephanie behind the wheel. Andrew jumped in, covering his privates with his hands as she pulled away from the curb. "I almost forgot how cheap the county is," she said. "I can't believe they didn't give you a towel or something."

"This is so embarrassing," Andrew said as he leaned forward, trying to shield himself with his upper body.

"You know, I've seen one of those before," she said as she looked over at his crotch. "Please don't tell me I'm the first woman to see you naked."

"No, of course not," Andrew said. "It's just that I just got out of jail, and now I'm sitting in your car naked, and you're my friend's sister. So it's kind of embarrassing, okay?"

"How about you let me decide whether you have anything to be embarrassed about?" she asked, glancing down at his crotch. Suddenly he felt even more ridiculous, sitting crouched over with his hands covering himself, something that was getting harder as he got harder. Stephanie wasn't just attractive, he realized, she was downright hot with her jacket off. He had a full view of her in her skirt and short-sleeve top, and her breasts looked great. Probably C cups, he told himself, although Andrew admittedly didn't really know how that whole system worked.

"Fine," he sighed as he sat up straight and moved his hands to his side.

"Very nice," she said as she looked over again. "Seven inches?" Andrew blushed hard as he nodded, the feeling of being ogled by a fully clothed woman he knew being something he'd never experienced. He'd certainly done the opposite at frat parties, sorority girls thankfully being willing to take their tops off and even get naked in front of everyone after they'd had a few drinks. But this, this was different, he thought, and he couldn't help but feel self-conscious.

"Aren't you the one that told me to stop looking at you like that?" Andrew asked as she kept looking over at him.

"That was in court, so the judge would let you out," Stephanie said as she kept driving. "Besides, don't you like exposing yourself?"

"No, I don't," Andrew said firmly. "Like I said, they put me up to that."

"Well, you can tell me all about it inside," Stephanie said as she turned into a parking lot next to a building that said, "Hanson Law Group." "This is my dad's firm," she added. "I just started here last fall, after I passed the bar exam."

"Yes, I remember." Andrew said. "You told me all about it at one of the tailgates last fall."

"I did, didn't I?" she said as she parked. "Come on, we can go in the back door so no one sees you," she added as she opened the car door and stood up, lingering with the door open for a moment so he could see her perfect ass again. He climbed out of the car and Stephanie ushered him through a back door and down a short hallway to a bathroom. "Wash your face and hands, and there's mouthwash in there," she said.