Years Lost

When Lex understood the meaning of Sarah's words he felt as if a sledgehammer had hit him on the back of his head. He literally became dizzy and could only sit still and try to process the enormity of this news.

Lots of things fell into their place. The way Minny was drawn to him when he was hammering at the fence. His inability to send her back. Even then there was that immediate connection.

In his mind were two thoughts spinning and screaming round. I have a daughter! I am a father!

Gently Sarah said. "I know that you hate me and I expect that you don't believe me. I'll pay for the paternity-test. Whenever and however you want to take it. I stress, I won't demand support. The only thing I hope is that you will love her and be there for her. She needs a father and I can't think of a better one than you. For everything else I will write you a letter. That's the only other thing. I ask that you read it."

Dazed, Lex wanted to get from his chair. He needed fresh air, but Sarah still held his hands. She begs, "Please Will, promise me that you will read the letter? It is very important that you do."

Lex's brains started to function again and he replied, "I have a daughter. You want me to participate in her life and have me do a paternity-test and I must promise to read a letter you are going to write. I have a few questions."

"Fire away."

"Why do you want me in Minny's life? You did very well until now. You still must hate me so that's a complication for you."

When Sarah heard Lex's words a sob escaped. She hardly could hold it together.

"Why is it so important that I read this letter?" Lex relentlessly went on, "and why would I take that test?"

Looking straight into his eye Sarah thought, He didn't explode like the last time and he still talks to me. I'll take that as a win.

She carefully answered, "I moved over here because I wanted to get away from a very toxic environment. People started pestering me after the rumors, my husband spread, and they took hold."

Lex interrupted with a cynical, "Welcome to my world."

Sarah replied honestly, "Yes. And I truly deserve that remark. But then adults and their children started to pick upon Minny because of those rumors. On Minny!"

Lex looked up, saw the pain in her eyes when Sarah continued, "But that's the reason I moved over here. Not why I want you in Minny's life and above all, I don't hate you. So that is no complication for me. I hope for Minny's sake that you can bear to be around me.."

Lex started to say something but Sarah held up one hand and squeezed his in the other to stop him, saying, "You have every right to hate me and I have none to hate you. But that comes next. From the moment Minny met you, she started to change for the better.

"The time before we moved over here it was very rough on her. She and my former husband didn't get along with each other. He called her Mistake when he was angry.

"This afternoon I've seen a deep connection and love flowing between the two of you, even without you knowing that she is your biological daughter and it's a beautiful sight to behold.

"She is much more balanced now and opens up. That's all on you."

Sarah paused, took a sip of her coffee thinking He is still listening. Oh God, please help me to win this man into the life of my daughter. and tried to collect her thoughts.

She went on, "Now the hard part. Please hang on. When I realized what was happening to me, I also realized what had been done to you. That moment was as if there was a trapdoor suddenly opening from under my ego, and my ego disappeared in the gap underneath making place for a conscience.

"That day I looked in the mirror and, almost literally, saw a very ugly human being. I made three decisions; One: I told my lawyer to fight fire with fire, only I had provable facts to shoot with. Two; I split my finances and three and most important; I went to see a shrink."

Sarah shuddered when she finally delivered her little, but oh so important, speech, finishing it with, "That's why it's so important to read my letter. And once again, I don't hate you. I was an entitled arrogant stupid bitch with the wrong friends and it took me more than five years to realize that as a fact."

Lex looked pensive for a while, finally answering, "Mmm, Sounds like an excuse and you've got that right."

"No Will!" Sarah cried, suddenly with tears in her eyes. "It's not an excuse. I, never, ever can make enough excuses for what I have done to you. Look at you. You ought to have a doting woman next to you.

"Instead I hurt you so deeply that you don't even consider such a thing as a relationship. You just let no one near you. Except Minny."

William jumped up taking deep gulping breaths. "I need air. I need to get home! Where's Minny? I have to say goodbye to her."

Sarah panicked, Did she push too hard? Is he going to abandon Minny? and cried, "You're not going to leave Minny. Please, don't leave her. You can't do that to her."

Lex got over his information overload and almost snarled, "No of course not. Can't do that to a child. I need to think. I'm dazed and confused. I don't trust you. You might have an agenda and I really didn't like the last agenda you confronted me with. That's not going to happen twice, you know."

While Lex hugged Minny goodbye, Sarah sat distraught at the kitchen table. She thought she had a foot in the door. But never counted on the chain inside. A few hours with this man she used to know so well was enough to fall all over in love again.

She was convinced that Lex was the father of her daughter and they, father and daughter had a deep connection. It was obvious to her that she had her work cut out for her, only to be called a friend by Lex. He made it very clear that he trusted her as far as could throw her, so that is the first thing she had to work at. But how?

====

Minutes later Lex walked into his home. He went to the fridge and got himself a ginger beer.

Alcohol was prohibited on the ships he sailed on and when he got on shore he didn't miss it anymore. He still had an occasional beer or a glass of wine but only in company and being in company was very rare indeed.

Lex dropped himself in his chair, took a sip and started to calm himself. To find his ex-wife living next to him came as a huge shock. He didn't trust Sarah. He didn't trust her at all after what she did to him but if she was the mother of the girl who stole his heart...

If he wanted to continue to see Minny he had to tolerate her mother. Can you do that without having her in the middle of a cold war between yourself and her mother? He asked himself.

The next question came to mind, What if Sarah didn't lie about Minny being his daughter? DNA tests can prove that beyond any doubt. Or is this another plot to rip him off again?

Lex knew, one way or another, he was trapped by his love for the little girl and sighed out loud, "So be it. I go along with the game, accept the DNA test, but on my conditions and I'll take it from there. Dammit!"

In the other house Minny slept the sleep of the innocent while Sara was struggling with the letter. She wanted the letter in three, maybe four parts. First; an explanation as to why she acted so stupidly. Second; How she started to come to her senses. Third; the legal and financial result of that insight. Maybe fourth; The hope that they could raise Minny together without strife. Including the repeated offer of a DNA test under whatever supervision to rule out tampering.

She started writing.

Dear William.

If I may call you dear?

Firstly, I can't stress enough the positive influence you have on our daughter. Yes I am absolutely convinced that Minny is your daughter. That said, I am aware that you will doubt everything I tell you and with good reason. I, now, can only prove my sincerity by my actions if you decide to keep in contact with me. Even if it is for the sake of Minny only.

With the help of my counselor I tried to get a grip on what happened before that faithless weekend and this is what we came-up with.

Six months before that weekend I announced to my friends that it was almost time to start a family. Little did I know that they were jealous as hell of me and on top of that they were insulted that you ignored their avances.

When our divorce was final they both confessed that they tried to seduce you and you didn't even notice it. So they decided to throw a spanner in the works.

For six months they worked on me and pumped up my ego.

And I let them.

When they finished their repugnant work I had become a narcissistic selfish and entitled bitch without any conscience at all.

They had me convinced that it was my right to have that weekend complete with some strange cock as if it was some God given right before motherhood and I was reeled in hook, line and sinker. I still don't know what possessed me that time.

The weekend was terribly disappointing and I came home full of regret and felt soiled. The only thing I wanted was to make it up to you. But as you foretold that was not going to happen and you had made your feelings very clear.

After that final confrontation and you walking out of the door I was alone, in pain (literally), hung over, sick and tired. The next day after our phone call my brainwashing reasserted itself and I gave my Weekend-Warrior as I called him carte blanche if you started a divorce.

What I didn't know is that he is a sadist that got off on humiliating and hurting the spouse as much as he could. He recruited my two friends to spread the rumors that alienated your family and friends. I besiege you, I didn't know that until it was too late

At the court hearing my lawyer had arranged a man-hater as judge, I didn't know that could be arranged. When I heard your voice at the hearing it sounded as if you were dead inside. I desperately wanted to talk to you but you were already gone.

It wasn't until five years later, when I bumped into you at that restaurant, that I got a sense of how deep your hatred for me ran. The only thing I wanted to tell you was that you had a daughter. At that time I was married again, very much in love and blind to the fact that my husband was doing the same to me as what I did to you. Cheating that is.

When I started to notice his behavior changing for the worse, I became suspicious and hired a private investigator. The results were devastating for me and deadly for my marriage. It seemed that my husband was an sex-addict. As long as it was female he would have a go at it. As young as legally allowed up to very old.

Besides the cheating, I couldn't expose Minny to that man any longer, afraid that he wanted to have a go at her as well. I called a lawyer. A shark, but one still with some scruples left, as far as that goes with lawyers, and started the divorce.

When his lawyer, the Weekend-Warrior, started his campaign to damage me by showing me a bad mother, my lawyer confronted them with a plethora of pictures of my husband in very compromising situations with his lawyer and threatened them to indicate him at the association for lawyers for immoral actions.

The rumors however got under my skin and one day I looked at myself in the mirror. That was a defining moment for me. In my mind I heard your lawyer repeat the words you gave him when you disappeared "I hope you will never have to go through this yourself. Congratulations, you win. Are you happy now?" That was the moment my ego dropped in the hole where it belonged.

Now the reason for the DNA test.

In my life, I've been to bed with three men. I know it's hard to believe for you but it is true. You, the Weekend-Warrior and my almost ex-husband. Minny is seven years old so my current husband falls off as a candidate anyhow. That keeps you and the WeWa in the race. I found out that I was pregnant the afternoon on the day that our divorce was final. I went to the doctor because I felt ill. During the examination the doctor told me that I was pregnant and that I had not one, but two STD's. I forced WeWa to take a paternity test when Minny was born and he is definitely not the father.

I am convinced that you are and the connection you two have is, among others, proof enough. Another thing is that her character is more like yours even though she looks like me. I will not demand child support from you. I can easily take care of that myself. I have more than enough. Again thanks to you. But I beg you to step up and act as her father. She is already benefiting so much from your presence in her life. I beg you. Take the test for your own peace of mind and truly be her dad.

I, now, have to write about finances. I robbed William's Transport and the house from you in our divorce. Combined, they were valued at fifteen million dollars.

When I came to my senses Willam's Transport alone was valued at twenty-five million and the house at one-and-a-half. I decided to sell it all and put the original value for the company and the house (fifteen million) into an offshore bank account in your name. You just have to contact my lawyer. His card is in the envelope.

I have but one plea.

If you decide to be a part of Minny's life, can you find it in your heart to have me in your life as well, even if it is just as a friend? I will do my utmost to deserve that title.

With affection.

Sarah (soon to be) Anderson (again).

PS.

I know that what I did to you is inexcusable. I therefore won't even try to make any, but I am deeply sorry for the hurt I heaped upon you.

Sarah read the letter once again and with a deep sigh folded it in an envelope together with some pictures from Minny and sealed it.

A few days later,

Since Lex had signed on on the ship he had learned to get up early. Now it was his favorite part of the day. Up at five he already had worked for two, or three hours before his shipyard woke up. Some of his business associates advised him to have the yard work 24/7, but Lex had serious misgivings about that after he had read the research on the effects on people doing so. The outcome, that working in shifts is very unhealthy for one's employees, didn't sit right with him. He felt responsible for his people and didn't wish them a much increased chance of coronary diseases, diabetes, sleep depravity and whatnot. He also thought he earned enough and as he was able to pay good wages too therefore he refused to set up a 24/7 production line.

He had found the envelope a few days ago. As soon as he got up and walked to the letterbox to retrieve the newspaper. Now it was lying all the time on the table burning into his mind, beckoning him to open it.

====

After breakfast, Lex was deliberating whether to open the letter but decided to wait till the end of the day.

Today he needed all concentration and his wits for the final negotiations with the Marine for a contract that guaranteed him work for at least the next ten years building, what euphemistically was called, ' all weather search and rescue boats', but actually were low profile, very fast boats to take a compliment of people into, and out of a danger zone.

Lex had designed a so-called swath ship in which the submerged hull could be retracted into the main hull. The idea was approved and today the decision would be made whether the contract was his, or not.

With a sigh he concentrated on his presentation and the last few contractual amendments he wanted to see.

====

Lex almost staggered into his house. Mentally so bone tired that his muscles refused to obey properly.

But the contract was his! Complete with the clause that the design was hard wired and every demanded change in the design had to be paid extra for.

Today Lex had secured employment for this town for at least another ten years and not to forget that his own future was secure now too.

Ironing out the last detail of the contract was the most difficult part. The Marine delegation wanted him to absorb the costs for the changes they wanted during the realization of their ships and Lex refused to budge. In the end he bluntly told them to take the contract and stuff it somewhere dark and smelly. Not too subtle he reminded them that if they tried to use his designs to broker a contract with another wharf there was hell to pay. After all, it was his intellectual property.

That was the moment they caved and officially granted the complete contract and now he needed to unwind. But how?

First thing was getting some fresh air. He had been inside an air-conditioned room the entire day, driving home in an airconditioned car and he desperately needed to feel the wind. He stepped outside.

Taking deep breaths he heard the swing squeaking. He walked around the corner and saw Minny sitting.

"Hi little fairy, why are you here? Don't you have to be at home and have dinner with your mum?"

Nodding Minny answered in a small voice, "Uh huh, but Mum is crying al, the time. I think she is ill."

A little apprehensive, expecting nothing good, he said, "We can't have that, can we. Come with me, let's get my coat and we'll take care of dinner for your mum, okay?"

Can't leave the girl sitting on a swing this time of the day. shot through his head.

Minny slipped her hand in his and they went to fetch Lex's coat.

A few minutes later Minny opened the door of her house and called out to her mother.

It took a while before there was a reaction and Lex heard a door open and closing.

Sarah appeared, eyes red and puffed up.

"See? Mummy is crying. Why are you crying Mummy? Did I do something wrong?"

"A small smile appeared on Sarah's blotched face. "No deary, It's nothing you've done. I'm just sad."

"I can see that you are upset. Wanna talk about it? I know I'm not the best person to share your worries with, but it's better than nothing. And maybe, afterwards you stop upsetting your little girl."

"It's your little girl too, but you're right. And I have to talk about it to you because it's about Minny."

"What about her?"

"My almost ex-husband hired that same lawyer as I did when I became stupid and that lawyer still is up to his dirty old tricks. My ex wants me to drop the prenup. Otherwise he has expert-witnesses that tell a judge that I am an unfit mother because I leave her alone in the company of a single man. It seems that he has an PI checking me out."

"So, what's the problem? You're convinced that I am the father. Let me take a preliminary test to show that I'm her father to delay the proceedings. That should take a day or two and in court they can test me officially and he can put his threat where the sun doesn't shine."

"You just take my word for it?"

"Let's say that I don't want that little fairy in the middle of a tugging war with a chance that she ends up somewhere where nobody loves her while you and I both do."

Lex actually believed, or wanted to believe, that Minny was his daughter, but was not ready to admit it to Sarah because of the small possibility she might be playing tricks on him. He harbored a deep seated lack of trust since the divorce.

A few days later.

Sarah answered the phone.

"Sarah. The results are in. You want me to come up, or do you and Minny like to come to my place?"

"No, I think we will come to you. Minny already asked if she could go to the swing."

"I'll make us a cup of tea." Was all Lex said before he disconnected.

Minny was out and on her way in a shot. Sarah had to put on her shoes and coat before she could lock her front door.

Outside she saw Minny streaking down the path and was surprised that she hadn't even been aware that she could walk to Lex's house. She just never had thought about how her daughter commuted to Lex.

She noticed her daughter bouncing over a wooden bridge. It looked fairly new to her. He didn't? she thought and resolved to ask Lex about it.