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Click hereLilah felt herself tighten around him, and she was filled. There was a decisiveness, a deliberateness to his movement. He did not ease in gently, nor did he impale her with violent speed. She was simply suddenly filled, and she saw him watching her with those steely, calculating eyes. Oh, how she hated his calm, his appearance of predatory aloofness. Whenever that veil lowered, and she saw a flicker of feeling in him, it would simply reappear an instant later as though he had been merely toying with her.
But this feeling—oh, this feeling. Her head fell back and she gasped under the onslaught of delirious pleasure. He responded by burying his hand in her hair and bringing her back to him, kissing her as he began to thrust. He inhaled at each gasp she made, as though he might inhale her. She felt as though he was inhaling her, drawing her into himself, making her uncertain where he ended and she began.
His hand found her throat, holding her in place against the wall as his thrusting grew in speed. She felt like a pinned butterfly there, immobile, as he entered her again and again until he was growling and his pace made her dizzy. She felt something building within her, a new feeling growing and stretching throughout her every muscle and synapse.
And then she wasn't just gasping, but crying out, nearly screaming. Her toes curled and her thoughts melted into an electric haze of sensation. In that exact instant she heard his growl turn utterly bestial, and felt him burst inside of her as his fingers dug into the flesh of her thigh.
She went limp, her muscles like warm liquid. But she was kept from falling to the floor, and lifted into his arms. She murmured at him incoherently, not even knowing what she meant to say. He chuckled warmly in response, his face inches from hers.
"My sweet little dove," he murmured, his voice teasingly indulgent. As he placed her on a soft bed and lowered over her, his self satisfaction radiated from him, to her resentment.
"Not yours," she managed, sulkily. Her eyelids were heavy. She heard him chuckle again as though from a distance.
"How wrong you are, little one," he replied. He buried his hand in her golden curls, pulling and drawing her mouth to his. With his other arm he reached around her waist and pressed her close.
He kissed her, her cheek, her lips, her temple. The eyes that looked down at her with were as warm as molten steel. "You are quite irrevocably mine."
- COMMENTS
Damoiselleabout 2 years agoAuthor@Anon,
Well the Imperial invaders would definitely regard her take as dumb. I personally agree with her--that even if a person is treated as a thing, it does not mean they must regard themselves as such.
Anonymousabout 2 years agoI haven't read through the other comments - just so you know my feedback has not been influenced by others. I'm confused... she says "I'm not a thing to be bought and sold." Is she just dumb? Girl is shackled with her tits practically hanging out in a bathing suit (so you say but if her belly is exposed, is it not a bikini?). And I shouldn't have to go back and double check that I missed something - so when exactly did he get his dick out? And how can he possibly know that she's wet enough to take him. "He did not ease in gently, nor did he impale her with violent speed"-...so which is it? I guess he was 'medium' whilst he raped her? But that's irrelevant because: "But this feeling—oh, this feeling. Her head fell back and she gasped under the onslaught of delirious pleasure." Seriously? So tired of reading noncon purple prose with swooning, mindless female protagonists.
PaladinDanseover 2 years agoIf that’s your first erotica I can’t wait to see what’s next! 🥵. Nice to see porn with (good) plot for a change!
Anonymousover 2 years agoSo frickin hot. Lots of minor comments/improvement suggestions but Magnus and his fragile Lilah have some promising chemistry. I hope he does learn to care for her.
Anonymousover 3 years agoIt has been awhile since I read your story but I am again reminded how the good writers here, are separated from those who aspire to be called a writer.
Please ignore the bitchy and honestly, preachy comments here. Good god, you provide your stories for free and yet people act like they spent $25-30 dollars for the pleasure. People — get a fucking grip!
I find this story captivating, with layers and personalities I want to know more about. Yes, I love the sex but if I wanted “wham, bam, thank you ma’am, I would watch porn. And the ignorant input from “here’s a tip” you should ignore completely. What a jerk!
Anonymousover 4 years agoProse is too long-winded at times, but otherwise this shows potential. Less is always more. The sex is non-existent. A good formula for sex scenes that is most believable/enjoyable to readers: build-up of tension, foreplay, penetration, then post-coital cool down. This completely missed the foreplay. (Kissing is not foreplay!) There is lots of ways how you can be original with this formula but most important is to nail the rhythm. Try reading-out loud or have the computer auto-read what you've written.
Foxycatladyover 4 years agoThis is my 5th time rereading this series ever since I discovered it 2 months ago ❤️
also, if she hadn't saved him she would've been surely sold as a slave to a more cruel person.. So I don't really get why some readers are hating on this??
Anonymousover 4 years agoI love the writing but the constant headhopping is just too much. It's hard to tell who's thinking what when you keep switching.
Anonymousover 5 years agoThese are the times one wishes they never helped others. Always think who are you helping, possibly sometimes, it is best to not help someone to prevent resurrection of evil. She must be thinking, its best she would've listened to her colleague and let him die that day.
Anonymousalmost 7 years agoI blasted through this entire series as fast as I could! Now, I’m back to savor it a bit more slowly this time. Love! 💗
Damoiselleabout 7 years agoAuthorI appreciate your going to the trouble of offering feedback. The female lead in this particular story is not a virgin.
Anonymousabout 7 years agoThis could have been a deliciously erotic scene but it went from beginning to end with very little meat in between. I completely agree with the comment calling for more foreplay. Remember it's not just for your character but the audience as well. His wham bam thank you mam fuck might have made sense in a rape scene to fulfill only his own pleasure but you wrote him as someone wanting more. Until he shows he's equally concerned about her pleasure (even if it's forced upon her) he'll be nothing but a selfish asshat rapist. Authors often ask us to suspend belief but to think that a scared little virgin is going to come her first time being raped without any proper preparation or physical stimulation is just rediculous and does nothing to endear either character to us. So far this is just a fairytale magic cock harlequin romance novel.
Anonymousover 7 years agoI can't wait to see more of Vero. Considering how fast things moved in this chapter i never felt like I was missing something.
Damoiselleover 7 years agoAuthorThank you for your feedback. Keep in mind that many of us vary widely when it comes to arousal. Lilah, like a lot of my characters, does tend to take more after me simply because that's what I know.
Anonymousover 7 years agoTHis is promising. But I can tell you that if someone stuck their dick in me after merely kissing me, there would be little to no pleasure at all and a lot of pain. You need way more foreplay or a more accurate reaction
Horseman68over 7 years ago..... in an absorbing story that already has artfully set some horizons. He maybe the story's force for now. But, would hope to see their relationship evolve with a woman's strength, insight, and resourcefulness surfacing in Lilah's character. The story is hers to take.
Emmelinealmost 8 years agoWell and smoothly written! Right up my alley. Looking forward to more!
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoThis is the NON CONSENT genre-of course he's an ass!! And yes,he may or may not have a magic dick! Personally,i like them (the characters) both. If noncon turns you off,there is always the erotic coupling tag. Keep up the good work! 5 stars,can't wait for chapter two!!
franksummersalmost 8 years agoProfessional quality prose; rich characterization; erotic as hell.
Welcome to Literotica! Looking forward to future contributions.
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoFirst off, the writing is amazingly well done. Second, the world building is fantastic, in such a short piece I understood a fair bit of the world. Thirdly, the actual scene was good, if short and fairly tame. But still enjoyable. I hope you continue with this ^^
Damoisellealmost 8 years agoAuthor"Fantastic!
I love a cunning, controlling, and obsessed ravisher. The world you are building seems to be along th lines of Ancient Rome meets steampunk futuristic. The cape was the dead give away. ;)
I can see you're building palace intrigue along with the capture/slave/obsessive love interest erotic scenario. It's like you're reaching into my dirty imaginings and pulling out erotic elements and making a story out of them, for which I am your devoted fan!
Excellent writing for the most part. There is always a little nit to pick but in this case the nits were far too inconsequential to the story as a whole."
Thanks for your feedback! Astutely observed about the deliberate anachronism. I'm definitely going to be exploring that element further as the story continues.
I do very much hope to progress with the palace intrigue, and I'm already finding that some of the characters are developing a mind of their own about how that will go.
Any nitpicks you have to offer at any point will be much appreciated. I'm always grateful for a chance to improve.
LadyPartsalmost 8 years agoI love a cunning, controlling, and obsessed ravisher. The world you are building seems to be along th lines of Ancient Rome meets steampunk futuristic. The cape was the dead give away. ;)
I can see you're building palace intrigue along with the capture/slave/obsessive love interest erotic scenario. It's like you're reaching into my dirty imaginings and pulling out erotic elements and making a story out of them, for which I am your devoted fan!
Excellent writing for the most part. There is always a little nit to pick but in this case the nits were far too inconsequential to the story as a whole.
Anonymousalmost 8 years agoPlease keep the story going, I would like to see more. AS LONG , as there is a Happy Ending for the Hero and Heroin.
wanderinggipsyalmost 8 years agoAs a first time writer your sizzling erotic non con is seductively enjoyable!!;))loved fantasizing i was Lilah!! ;))..but the 'kindness being rewarded with rape and slavery' thorn does stick out and prick out hard!!;p ;))
But do continue...;)) lets see what else your seductive improvisation has up its sleeve!!;))
