Satyr Play 02 Pt. 01

PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

Finally, only three were left on this side of the tear, which was beginning to collapse. These stopped beside Henry. He felt their gratitude, but they all pointed away from the rip and slightly to the right. He listened. He felt a single mind crying out to them. It felt them leaving, and didn't want to be left behind. He sent his assurance to the three, and they rushed through the opening to join the others. Henry watched them moving away down the hillside, and the feeling of the contentment which filled them bled through to him.

As he released his grip on the gap, something huge and black rushed through the tear into the dark gym before the opening collapsed completely. Frightened, Henry's mind fled the chamber and flew away into the night, drawn toward the solitary mind. The enormous distance flashed by in an instant.

Henry found himself floating on the mountaintop plateau next to the last glass being. He was weary beyond measure, but he'd promised. He felt the loneliness in this one and sent assurances, feeling its hope in return. He reached out with his will again, envisioning the hillside, and a smaller tear flashed into existence. The effort to widen it enough for the being to step through drained him severely.

The Glass Man could see the others down the hill, and his happiness surged through their link. This gave Henry a little strength. As it walked toward the opening, Henry heard angry screaming and turned to see a group of soldiers running toward the Glass Man to prevent his escape. The soldier in the lead seemed to be the one in charge as he was screaming most violently and pointing his gun at the rift.

Henry desperately tried to block the soldiers, and a second tear appeared before them. This one showed only a yellow sky. Keeping it open was impossible for Henry in his weakened state, and it collapsed shortly after the squad leader tumbled through. His scream of rage turned to terror, then silence as the small rift snapped shut.

The squad of soldiers slammed to a stop, frozen in shock. They watched the Glass Man step through the first opening and walk away into the red field. Through this opening, in the far distance, they saw their leader plummet from the sky into a river of lava before the rift snapped closed. Henry watched the men share nervous glances, then turn and walk away.

Weary beyond measure, Henry turned to face home, but he didn't have the strength to make the journey. Instead, he let his mind drift upwards into the sky to join with the Fae spell and hoped it would guide him the long way home.

-=-

Siobhan woke to the sound of her cell ringing. She blinked blearily at it and fumbled it before she managed to hit the answer button.

"Hello?" she mumbled.

"Siobhan? I'm so sorry to call you, but Henry was grabbed at the dance club, and I don't know how to reach anyone else at VRL!" a voice frantically babbled.

Siobhan was immediately awake when she heard Henry was in danger. She sat up. The voice—"Sandy?"

"Yes!"

"Take a breath and tell me what happened. Who grabbed Henry?"

"We don't know! There was another gas attack like the one on the subway, and everyone was tearing their clothes off to have sex or trying to escape the dance club! Henry carried me outside, but a fight broke out, and he got pulled into it. Roger thinks he saw someone pulling Henry away. Once the police cleared the fight, there was no sign of him."

Siobhan was stunned. She didn't know who would have kidnapped Henry. "Is Roger with you?"

"Yes."

"Put him on, please."

She heard the phone being passed, then Roger's voice. "Hello?"

"Can you describe the person who took Henry?" Siobhan asked.

"It looked like the guy who came to Stanley's condo after the kidnapping. Hey! His family has the shittiest luck when it comes to being grabbed! OWW! Fuck! Stop it! I'm sorry!"

Siobhan heard female voices raised in anger and Roger taking slaps.

"What did he look like?" Siobhan called out.

"Shit! Stop! She's asking me a question! Fuck... uh, look like? Uh... like an aristocratic snob. Smaller than Henry, but he dragged him away." Roger said with a pained voice.

"So Henry didn't go willingly," Siobhan asked to clarify.

"No, but... he took a few punches from the crowd, and... he might have been a little drunk," Roger said reluctantly.

Siobhan heard Sandy arguing with Roger. She heard something about only one drink. Roger then admitted to spiking his drink to help him relax. More screams of outrage and the sound of slaps. There was a loud clunk noise and a shriek followed by fumbling sounds.

"Siobhan, are you there?" Sandy asked in a panic, having picked up the dropped phone.

"Yes. I'm going to call Marisa. She has keys to Henry's place," she said.

"You think he took Henry there?"

Siobhan heard the other women at Sandy's elbow. "Where? Took him where?" they asked in annoyance.

"Shhh! I can't hear! She said home! Go ahead," Sandy said.

Despite her worry, Siobhan smiled as she knew these women liked Henry very much. "I'm not one hundred percent sure, but it's the first place to look. Marisa will also let the others know."

"We'll meet her there! Thanks, Siobhan! You're the best!" The line went dead.

Siobhan blinked at her cell in surprise. Sighing, she looked at the clock and was glad it was Sunday, as she wasn't getting back to sleep any time soon.

She'd sleep later. She made the call.

-=-

Marisa, Sigrid, and Meixiu stepped off the elevator at Henry's building into an argument in the hallway before his unit.

"You will all leave. Last chance!" A small, wide, and hairy man in a dressing gown growled at three ladies in party dresses.

"Not until we hear Henry's okay! Oh, thank god! Marisa!" Sandy gushed in relief as she saw them coming.

The small man turned and locked eyes with Sigrid, who fought back a snarl as she picked up the scent of a demon.

"Is there a problem here?" she asked.

"Noisy bitches are knocking on the door!" the man growled, his eyes never leaving Sigrid's.

"All's quiet now. I'd say it's time to move on," Sigrid said between her teeth, sounding a little like a female Clint Eastwood.

The demon panicked as it leapt for the stairwell door, slammed through, and ran down the stairs.

All eyes turned to Sigrid in silence as she struggled not to give chase.

Marisa recovered first. "You knocked on Henry's door?"

Sandy jumped and looked at the gorgeous blond. She smiled and nodded then her smile dropped away. "He's not answering!"

Marisa moved to the door with her keys, then looked back at the nervous expressions. "I'll be going in. Alone. I don't know what state Henry will be in if he's home, so this is to preserve his dignity. No arguments, or you'll deal with Sigrid." She finished with a smile to take the sting out of her words, but they glanced at the intimidating woman nonetheless.

Tish, Dayshia, and Sandy stood back as Marisa let herself in and locked the door again.

"Which unit did the unpleasant one live in?" Sigrid asked to draw their attention away. Dayshia pointed to the first door past the stairwell. Sigrid saw it was across from Michelle Beaumont's condo. She moved to stand before the door. She reached out to almost touch its surface, then pulled her hand back as she'd felt the sickening evidence of its inhabitation. No one else would likely notice, but Valkyries were particularly sensitive to their spoor. She pulled out her phone and emailed a clean-up team to visit the unit. She CC'd Johann Bruger, the property manager.

The original tenant whose shape the demon had stolen would be dead, likely smeared over the walls inside. She needed to start hunting the demon soon while the trail was fresh. Before it took another host. It wouldn't be back.

She noticed the three ladies looking curiously at her and Meixiu. "Oh! I'm sorry. I'm Sigrid Gunderan, Head of Human Resources at VRL. This is Meixiu, my friend and roommate."

"I'm Sandy Marlow. This is Tish Evans and Dayshia Morrison." She glanced at the door nervously. "Shouldn't she—"

The door opened, and Marisa stepped back out into the hall. She smiled at the nervous and eager expressions. "Henry is inside, asleep. He has a few bruises on his head and face. He also stinks of rum. A lot of it." She scowled. "He can't drink! He's such a lightweight when it comes to alcohol."

"I could kill Roger!" Tish hissed.

"Can we see him?" Sandy pleaded.

Marisa shook her head. "He's in no shape for a visit. In the afternoon, maybe? I'll let him know you were here checking on him," she said with a sympathetic smile.

Sandy smiled at her. "You're as protective of Henry as you were for Stanley."

Marisa nodded with a smile, then saw Sigrid gesturing and turned her attention to her.

"Do you need me for a bit? I'm curious about that creep who ran away earlier," she asked.

Marisa nodded. Sigrid stepped into the stairwell and was gone.

Dayshia looked at the others with wide eyes and a grin. "Damn! She's my new definition of badass!"

Marisa and Meixiu chuckled and nodded while the others grinned.

Sandy moved forward and hugged Marisa. "Thank you for taking such good care of Henry. I'm so sorry we lost track of him at the club."

"Not your fault. Just keep him away from alcohol and keep an eye on that fellow, Roger," Marisa said with a frown.

"Oh, we'll deal with Roger," Tish promised.

"Give me your number, and I'll give you mine," Marisa said to Sandy as she pulled out her cell.

That done, Dayshia and Tish waved, pulled Sandy to the elevator, and left.

The moment the elevator door closed, Marisa's smile slipped away, and she pulled Meixiu into the condo and locked the door.

"What's wrong?" Meixiu asked nervously as they moved to the bedroom.

Marisa dropped to her knees next to Henry and put her ear to his mouth. Then she looked at the other woman. "He's breathing, but it's very shallow, and he's not waking up!"

Meixiu touched Marisa's hand. "I've seen this before. He did this when he was injured and healing in Sigrid's guest room!"

"How did you bring him back?" Marisa asked.

"I leaned close, and I said, Henry? You need to wake up! Where are you?" she said as she demonstrated. They held their breath as they watched him.

"Do it again," Marisa said.

"Henry! Wake up! Where are you?" she said louder.

Marisa's cell rang, and she glanced at it and frowned. Sandy? She held up her hand for Meixiu to be quiet.

"Sandy? What's up?"

"The Northern Lights are back!" she exclaimed. "So bright this time!"

"Hang on." Marisa and Meixiu rushed out of the bedroom and went to the balcony to look up. Sure enough, the sky above the building was showing a green glow. It was across the section of the sky above, but from their perspective, it was much brighter directly above this building. Marisa covered the phone and turned to Meixiu with wide eyes. "Keep calling him back." The woman rushed inside.

"It's very beautiful!" Marisa said as she listened for Meixiu.

"I... I just wanted to share that with you," Sandy said, drawing a smile to Marisa's lips.

"Thank you for this. It's lovely!" Marisa replied.

She heard a sudden sharp and loud intake of breath from inside the condo. Loud enough that Sandy heard it, too.

"Was that Henry?" she gasped.

"Just a nightmare. I have to go. Good night, Sandy. I'll speak to you later, okay?"

"Sure. Bye."

Marisa looked up, and the green was quickly fading. It was a little frightening to think Henry had a link to that. She moved into the bedroom and knelt down again.

Henry's eyes were slightly open but rolling.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"Sick... gonna be... sick..." he moaned.

Marisa and Meixiu managed to get him up and into the washroom, where he lost his stomach contents in the toilet. The women shared sad looks while Henry heaved and moaned.

When he began to shiver and shake, they got him up, rinsed his mouth out, and got him back in bed. Marisa crawled under the blanket with him to warm him up. He began to drowse.

There was a knock at the door, so Meixiu went to answer it. It was Sigrid, so she let her in.

"Did you see the Northern Lights?" she asked, and Meixiu nodded.

"It was Henry. He was lost out there, and we called him back."

"WHAT?!?" Sigrid gasped and rushed to the bedroom door.

Marisa was easing herself out from the sheets as Henry had fallen asleep. She gestured for Sigrid to be quiet and left the room, closing the door.

They moved to the living room. "It looked like Henry was having another out-of-body experience. The stupid spell he's linked to must be drawing him out when he's drunk or otherwise incapacitated," Marisa said with a scowl.

"Henry was very sick when he came back," Meixiu offered, and Marisa nodded.

"He lost what was left in his stomach and then got the chills," Marisa said sadly, then leaned back from Sigrid. "You might want to take a shower. I take it you dealt with the man who fled?"

"Demon," Sigrid confirmed with a nod and a smile, then sniffed herself and grimaced. She made her way into Henry's bathroom.

Marisa and Meixiu dropped themselves onto the couch.

"It is very dangerous for Henry to do this," Meixiu said. "What if we hadn't called him back?"

Marisa sighed as she agreed but didn't know how to protect him from it.

They dozed on the couch until they heard a noise and saw Sigrid exit the washroom wrapped in a towel. She glanced at them, then momentarily dipped into Henry's room and returned with some clothes. She returned to the washroom, and when she came out, she was wearing one of Henry's T-shirts and track pants.

Marisa grinned at her.

"Shut up. The demon ruined my clothes. Their blood doesn't come out." She pouted then a little smile appeared on her lips. "These smell like Henry."

"Why does Henry not have a TV?" Meixiu asked with a frown.

Sigrid snorted. The vampire hadn't experienced television during her entire long life. Not long ago, she considered it inferior to radio, and now she thought it was an essential service? "He doesn't consider it important."

"We were just discussing how we could protect Henry from future out-of-body episodes," Marisa said.

Sigrid raised an eyebrow. "And your idea was?"

Marisa and Meixiu just shook their heads sadly.

"As long as he's linked to the spell, he'll be endangered by it," Sigrid sighed. "Queen Mab is in town, and she'll be aware of tonight's event. You said it was his man that brought Henry home?"

"That's what Siobhan said—dammit! I forgot to call her." Marisa popped to her feet to go into the kitchen to make the call.

"Is it not strange that they interrupted your date to warn him from using the spell, then saved him from a fight and brought him home?" Meixiu asked.

"They need him healthy," Sigrid said.

"I do not trust their motives," Meixiu said with a scowl, and Sigrid could only nod.

Marisa settled back on the couch. "Okay, Siobhan can go back to sleep."

Sigrid gave her a look. "Are you staying here?"

Marisa nodded. "I'll keep an eye on him today and go home tonight. Thanks for coming over with me."

Sigrid's smile was a little bloodthirsty as she thought of the demon. "I'm glad I did." They all stood, and Marisa walked them to the door, where they hugged. Meixiu loved this ritual most of all. With a good night, they left, and Marisa locked up. She headed back to the couch. She was lucky it was very comfy.

She glanced at the bedroom door and considered joining Henry, but that was a bad idea. Just warming his body had felt too good.

So the couch it was.

As she made herself comfy, she recalled the firmness of Henry's body. She squirmed a little and sighed.

She hoped Henry felt better in the morning.

-=- End of Part 1 -=-

Please rate this story
The author would appreciate your feedback.
  • COMMENTS
Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous
66 Comments
AnonymousAnonymous22 days ago

Well, well. Fascinating with the various threads. It does compel me to keep reading so I don't lose track of the separate stories. Masterful ability to keep all the balls in the air

LMJ

Aussie1951Aussie1951about 2 months ago

Sorry not this time, I have to agree with old_lions comments ⭐️⭐️

Michael56SmithMichael56Smithabout 2 months ago

Alright, you have likely gotten comments on this earlier on, but here goes, .... the Pilot of the second Jet plane, with the rank pf Senior Airman (SRA), ... that is a very junior ranked enlisted person, not even an NCO, ... and unless he already had a pilot's license (for a Jet aircraft) and had an uncle or someone else high up to green-light his operating a military Jet aircraft, then I don't see any reason for such a rank to be in the pilot's seat. ... ;-) ttfn

Trc2003Trc20034 months ago

Lovely! Going to binge read the full saga this weekend!

AnonymousAnonymous6 months ago

Excellent, as always. This is great, you're an excellent writer. Thanks so much for taking the time to entertain us... and for free, at that. Moving on to the next part. Thanks.

JodailyJodaily10 months ago

Hate to say it, while a few of these comments seem a little harsh, this is not your best story. You have so many great stories, which I've read a lot of. Time to find another story. This one's out.

AnonymousAnonymous12 months ago

Nate trashed the story to a 1. He is a contamination that should be erased. The only thing i feel whenever he is involved is intense hatred. A pile of walking talking shit.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Fantastic, amazing tales.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

You've got a 24 yr old boy/man that spends at least part of each day... crying. I'm beginning to think he may also be mentally retarded, high functioning to be sure, but well below avg intelligence. Still, 5 stars.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

OK. This is starting to get like a very bad horror flick. Six or eight different groups out to get Henry so, I know, let’s leave him the fuck alone, unprotected. Then maybe we’ll all go to Freddy Krueger’s house and SPLIT UP…because that never ends badly.

Started out so good.

Old_LionOld_Lionover 1 year ago

This chapter/story was all "two's" Too long, too complex, too many viewpoints, too many confusing plot lines and too many damn characters. Not up to the level of your better work for sure. 3*

RanDog025RanDog025over 1 year ago

Boosting the rating for this story up to the highest score possible, 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! Thanks BRS, you're the BEST!

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

He's a typical "I'm a good person" MC a fucking pussy.

But overall pretty solid story ngl with very complex world-building

AnonymousAnonymousabout 2 years ago

@ nighthawk22204adnauseum.

LMAO @ U TWAT

Before you run around with your pants in a knot, Ohhh woe is me the grammar is !!!!!

The confusion the utter chaos in my mind.

It’s obvious you’ve never heard read or " listened " to any Story, Lore, or Song pertaining to the wee folk.

Take a pinch of salt, a slice of lemon and kiss a rose….relax.

Id recommend the book fiction but gives an honest account of the sub-genre and the

The Fairie Tale. By raymond e fiest

nighthawk22204nighthawk22204over 2 years ago

Your story telling is great, but your writing is often confused by erroneous auto-misspellings, which in the theoretically simplistic matter of giving us a 'he' instead of 'she' totally confuses the storyline as to who said what to whom. And the extremely weak punctuation of a ten-month story construction should definitely be given to an editor for a couple days' work.

nighthawk22204nighthawk22204over 2 years ago

I can understand, this was only Part 1, but it was of considerable length and complexity, still it leaves wide open the Q of the Glass Man, the Northern Lights, the wandering USAF pilot(s)?, the numbers of folks getting killed, whether by Fae hit teams, accidents, or VRL security. Is Mary another member of a Hidden Race? Will she be promoted to Detective? How many more Lycanthrope Weremembers will we meet besides the pack of wolves and an occasional panther? Will Roger ever get his comeuppance?

Michael56SmithMichael56Smithover 2 years ago

Wonderful! ... and I too caught the Major Tom reference, very cute, ... my only nit-pick would be the way I became lost and had to regroup a bit when some things were left unexplained or just glossed over, like the way Henry can pass on the wild magic seems to alter from oral to any form of contact, ... but it was my fault for making false assumptions, ... I had to rethink at that point, ... oh well, outstanding tale, I am riveted! ;-) TTFN

LevindlLevindlover 2 years ago

You are doing somethings, so funny that people are not picking up on. The name of the pilots that got lost was Major Tom. They kept referring to the person he was speaking to as controller. If you think about it, another way of saying this is “grounds control to Major Tom“.

You have been quoting, famous movies, or songs throughout this entire story, and I laugh every time I see one!

Well done! Just another way that you are showing your artistic virtuosity to your storytelling.

Sincerely

Daniel

FranziskaSissyFranziskaSissyover 2 years ago

As im sure this tale will continue in such quality, extra terrestrial or ital quality, i ill print it made a hardcover and will exchange some famous bestseller riders to make space for this ..... Hope this will explain how insane fabulous this tale is

Thank you for sharing

Ten stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🦄👿🍀

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

@Anonymous: Great stories...

.

Stanley didn't pass on wild magic when in his human form, but Henry does. Stanley became human when twisting the ring. He can't use that anymore because of the curse, so the Fae made him a glamor instead.

.

Henry uses a glamor now which means he is ALWAYS a Satyr, 24/7, which means he can pass wild magic all the time. Baba Yaga's spell actually made him human for most of the time, but a glamor only changes his appearance, he is always the Satyr underneath.

beach_bouybeach_bouyover 2 years ago

Another great story!!!!!!!!! 5 stars all the way!!!

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Great stories. Very enjoyable, just one thing I noticed: Stanley/Harry doesn’t pass on Wild Magic when in his human form, yet Officer Mary is changed while he was in his human form.

Whoops. No big deal.

AnonymousAnonymousover 2 years ago

Seriously, this has all the makings of an awesome TV show. Maybe for HBO. The characters are interesting, there is considerable growth in them, and there are plenty of twists and turns to make you keep guessing. The X-rated bits would have to be toned down a bit of course, but otherwise it would make an amazing ride!

RanDog025RanDog025almost 3 years ago

I agree with one of the comments on the main character, Henry! I know, I know he's as smart as a whip but very Immature, like a new born! I quit drinking and watching TV 25 years ago. He could at least stay away from the spirits and Sigrid and Joe should get him into some self defense classes, hahaha! Still, an excellent story to give more praise to one of the best Authors ever on Literotica! Another 5 BIG FAT FUCKING FLAMING STARS! Thank you Burnt Red Stone!

PogSmithPogSmithalmost 3 years ago

Great story. Love the reference to Fort McMurray!

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago

Hang on. Let me get this straight. He has a ring that, if he turns it, will kill the entire Human race, and he goes out and gets fall down drunk? Just goes to prove, that really smart people can be absolute morons too. One absent minded, drunken fiddle with that and BOOM! Everyone's dead. You'd think he would be aware of this little problem.

PurplefizzPurplefizzover 3 years ago

Excellent story bar the minor mistakes we civilians can make re mil-speak etc (and I married into a Mil family!), otherwise I’m lovin’ it and I want more! Thanks to BurntRedstone for writing and posting for our FREE enjoyment!

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

I see someone already made a comment about Air Force ranks, so I shan’t belabor it.

Otherwise, the only flaw that bothered me was the reference to someone being “given free reign” to do whatever. It is supposed to be “free rein”, and why so many authors cannot tell rein from reign from rain is one of the great mysteries in life. Mr. Redstone clearly used the words correctly up until this instance, or I’d have noticed.

Still, even with his having an Airman flying jets and the reign/rein/rain issue, he rates an easy 5* ****, writing better than the majority of 5-star writers on this or any site.

johsunjohsunover 4 years ago

OH yeah, just read the previous anon comment from a year ago about Senior Airmen being enlisted and in the US Air Force only commissioned officers are pilots. In the Army, at least when I was in it back in the early seventies, the Helicopter pilots were often warrant officers.

But that's about the only thing that strung an odd note. Everything else is great, and that's a minor thing that didn't bother me, just something I noted. And it's the Author's universe, so maybe in that universe pilots ARE senior airmen.

johsunjohsunover 4 years ago

Really liking this series, which is strange because I've never before liked or continued to read any story with 'magic' or/and mythical creatures in it. They just leave me cold or bored. But this one sucked me in and I'm loving it. Great story so far. (I thought from the name it would be about a normal human guy who just had a hight sex drive LOL.)

Another strange thing, for me, is that I have a hard time with names, remembering them, both in real life and when I'm reading. And in reading fiction with large casts I often have a hard time remembering who is who. So I usually don't go for stories with large casts, but I've not had any trouble remembering who everyone is in this story.

I guess the reason for me enjoying this in spite of my above reasons for not usually liking stories with large casts and mythical creatures is that this story is VERY well written and both has good spelling and grammar AND a really good plot.

I'm bummed that there's only one more chapter.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Awsome

Love the stories you write. One small error I noticed in the middle of the story during one of Henry’s dreams, due to being former military. A Senior Airman would never be at the controls of a military aircraft. That is an enlisted rank not an officer, only officers are trained to fly aircraft (besides drones). I know it’s not exactly common knowledge as most people think almost everybody flies planes in the Air Force. Other than that small quibble I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the story you’ve told and look forward to more of pretty much anything you write.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago
Really enjoyed this installment

I read the first installment a while back and I was so pleased when I tumbled to there being a new two part continued story for me to thrill to. You are a wonderful teller of stories that also contains some lovely sex scenes, but would still be a very good tale without them. Please keep sending these incredible and erotic stories our way, and I thank you. TTFN

linnearlinnearalmost 6 years ago
Enjoying Immensely

I am really enjoying this series, it is a seriously great read. There are a couple of issues but they aren't going to stop my pleasure of reading it.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago

Everything about Mahati is bizarre to the point of being immersion breaking. Why is she still there? We're supposed to believe she wasn't thrown out on her ass after attempting to kill Henry? As well, every scene involving Nate makes me want to start skipping ahead to somewhere I don't see his name. What purpose does he even serve?

CaughtthedragonCaughtthedragonover 6 years ago
Liked it but

There was a bit to much jumping around I know it was necessary to explain what was happening around the world but I found myself getting bored and skimming those bits. I do love the world you created hope the next one doesn't jump around so much

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Good

But needs work. I remember the first one being better written. You need to work on clarity.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Over too soon!

I very much liked how many different scenes and characters you incorporated in order to let the audience know what is happening all around the globe and how the main characters are tied to whatever they're tied to. However, i dont see why Part 1 should have stopped here. Soo many questions and almost 0 answers. Im sure every1 and all your scenes will most likely tie into Henry, Baba Yaga, and/or Nate? And that is a lot of exciting potential. But it's still a lot. Your audience is going to need a LOT of answers to a lot of the problems you brought up in this part of the story. It's just a big assignment you've made 4 yourself as a writer and im just hoping every conflict and sub conflict brought into this story can be resolved smoothly in future parts of your satyr story. Because so far i seriously love all the parts you're adding! And i have no clue how it's all gona fit or crash together! More!! 😎

tangledweedtangledweedover 6 years ago
Alcohol content

Even a triple shot of rum shouldn't hit Henry that hard (maybe if it was seriously overproof, but it would be unlikely any club would serve doubles of that). An ordinary triple (3-4 oz) would definitely be felt, but it shouldn't totally incapacitate him. For the sake of argument, the magic amplifies the effect of alcohol and not only makes Henry lose control of his inhibitions (Tish/Sandy) and pheromones (club orgy), it makes him black-out drunk when he passes out.

I don't know why I care about trivial things like this in such a huge and entertaining story, but it just felt odd to me that such a strong creature could be felled so easily by something a college kid would drink for breakfast.

shallowhandshallowhandover 6 years ago
....decent, but a chore

I'm of two minds of this story. The first one was very good and kept me interested the entire time. This one....was a bit hit or miss. It felt like a majority of the time our MAIN character was out of commission, either recovering from grief or just out cold. The middle was kind of a chore to read through in my opinion. With Henry out of commission for a lot of it, I struggled to read through the accounts of characters who, while I somewhat care for, aren't my focus. I like to see Henry within the action and NOT getting knocked out in some way. The story of this part implied it revolved around Henry but the content itself was anything but. I'm also just not interested in Nate's story. Maybe I'm alone on that opinion but he's just irrelevant to me. Otherwise, the beginning and end pages of this story were pretty good. The plot was furthered a bit more there which actually kept me engaged. I hope future parts focus a bit more around Henry.

Show More
Share this Story

READ MORE OF THIS SERIES

Satyr Play Previous Part
Satyr Play Series Info

Similar Stories

Century Traveler A solitary traveler in life discovers the family he needs.in Sci-Fi & Fantasy
The Missing Dragon An elusive fire breathing monster leads him to a new world.in Sci-Fi & Fantasy
The Shepherd of Ashburn Court Pt. 01 The tale of Ben Shepherd begins.in Erotic Couplings
To Walk a Mile Ed faces his biggest challenge yet, being a dad.in Erotic Couplings
Jack's New Job A Jack-of-all-Trades finds a new position.in NonHuman
More Stories